Love – A Dying Girl’s Wish

by withchangecomesgrowth

A while back I had a dream.

I was sitting in a dimly lit hotel room. My hands were tied behind my back and my mouth was gagged. There was a burly man pacing by the door, and another one sitting in a chair across the room. He was counting a wad of bills. Sitting on the bed next to me was another man; he held a gun to my head. I peered up at him with wide eyes. He untied the gag and let it slip onto the floor.

“Ok Girl, you’ve got ten minutes, but if them dogs bust through the door then you’re takin one in the head.”

He handed me a pen and a piece of paper. I turned to the bedside table and, without thinking, began to write. “I love you, I’m sorry I’ve let you down. I want you to know……” then the words changed. “Don’t you ever walk away from Him, He wants to hold you close and show you His love. You are His princess and he’s been waiting for you for a long time.” then it changed again “He knows you’ve been hurt, he understands your pain. He knows what’s it’s like to be rejected.” every few seconds the words changed course. Faces flashed through my mind. Some wore smiles, and others wore expressions of pain. Hot tears poured from their faces and onto my shoulder. Memories of holding you close and rocking you in my arms flooded my mind. Advice, apologies, and last words sprang onto the page. The faces of my loved ones flickered through my head; my parents, my sister, my best friend, then people who I hardly knew began to invade these precious moments. Instead of anger, I felt afraid. Ada, Britt, Haley, Colin, these are only to name a few. Why was I afraid? Because I knew that I wouldn’t have a chance to tell them what they needed to hear. Because I knew that my words would never have a chance to touch their lives.

I couldn’t carelessly throw one last “bye” to all the people in my life, but for some reason I wanted to speak to every one of them. I wanted to encourage them, and bless them in every way possible. I knew that I wouldn’t even have the time to leave a few, short, notes. Warm tears filled my eyes, and I whispered my last prayer “God, I’m sorry I’ve failed you.”

I shut my eyes tightly as the gunman tensed. I heard the click of the barrel, and my eyes flew open.

I was sitting in my bed gasping. I tried to shake off the horrid dream, but I didn’t want to stop thinking about it. It felt so real. More than anything, I was thankful for the dream. Like I had switched realities and got another chance.

I didn’t want to leave a legacy, I didn’t care how many people showed up at my funeral, I just wanted a second chance. I wanted to love. I wanted to listen. I wanted to hold you in my arms and promise you that everything was going to be ok. I wanted to take a hurting child by the hand and show him the beauty of life. I wanted to shower the broken with love and grace. I wanted to teach the reality of second chances, the value of peace, and the need for joy.

Have you ever been told about the wisdom of a child? Why is it that they can see, and understand things that we cannot? Have you ever been brushed off by someone older than you? I know we all have, but why?

Some say that a child’s mind contains the purity to behold the essence of life, so he will see and notice things that a grown man or woman might not. While an elderly person will boast his knowledge of the world and his wisdom from experience, you have to ask, is that really relevant? Yes, I will agree that as you grow older and experience more things you also learn more things about life, but let me explain why both can hold such vast depths of knowledge and wisdom. People from the young preteen years all the way up to the adult life are far too busy with their lives to notice those little things. A child has time to ponder. The same goes for the old man who lives alone. When was the last time you really thought? I mean actually sat down, dropped what you were doing, and just sank deep into a world of imagination, and inspiration. Can you remember?

Let me ask you, do you have any idea what your mind is capable of? Be honest here, Do you really know? I mean yeah, we can think up some pretty weird (and nasty) stuff, but where are the innovators? Where are the people who push for a better tomorrow? There aren’t many left and that’s a pretty depressing prospect if you ask me. The other day I saw a red, white, and blue bumper sticker that read “It’s dangerous to have this many stupid people in one place.” and painfully, I had to agree. We live in a nation of people who refuse to think for themselves. Have you ever spoken to someone who said all the right things, but you just didn’t buy it? You knew that they were just talking as though they were reading a script. When someone parrots the words of someone else their words carry little weight. I want to know what you believe.  Today, in our beloved land, Intelligence and Character are out the window.

The reason a child can encompass so much wisdom into his lack of knowledge, is because he has time to think. His mind isn’t distracted by the trivial things in this world. His pondering moment can truly be stripped down to what he knows is important. That may be different for every child, but some of the most common are love, honesty, and compassion. This is because their minds have yet to be tainted by the brutality of the world around them.

Think about that for a moment. When you’re lying on your death bed, you’ll go over your mental checklist. Did you do everything you wanted to achieve in this life? Maybe you did….but maybe not.

In truth, we are all dying, some just faster than others. I have no idea how much longer I have here on earth, but I know I can’t afford to be wasting my time. I know the need for love will never fade.

Those hot tears of my last moments will always be a reminder to me.

I’m here to do, not talk.

I’m here to live, not exist.

I’m here to learn, to teach, and to love.