A Little Mud On My Name

by withchangecomesgrowth

You taunted me with a smug smile.
“You don’t really work, Faith.” I felt my teeth grate together slightly.
“You don’t actually think that,” I observed. You continued with feigned nonchalance,
“Well, there’s nothing that shows that you’ve been working,” I bit my tongue. Is this really happening? Thoughts swirled in my head. I wanted to tell you how hard I work to keep all of my bosses and clients happy. I wanted to tell you about the ridiculous hours I work, just so I can reach my goals. I wanted to tell you how wrong you were. The urge to banter with you was so strong. It’s defined our relationship from the beginning – from the first time I told you, “You’re not cute, dude.” It had become a habit. It was how we communicated – playful, challenging. Only things were different now, it wasn’t sweet or funny. It was the same old game, but this time it wasn’t for fun. We were playing for keeps – your pride against mine. A voice echoed in my head,
“So when you gave your reputation to me…did ya mean it?”
God, this really isn’t the time
“Oh, but it is. In fact, I think is the PERFECT moment for it.”
My internal dialogue was cut short when I realized you were still standing there.
It seemed as though ten million thoughts flew through my head and were silenced within the blink of an eye.
I knew you were only trying to rattle my cage…and I was falling for it. An amused smirk plastered your painfully handsome face. You were staring at me with anticipation – your eyes boring into mine. You were waiting for my response – waiting to see if you’d unsettled me. I felt the words on my tongue…ready to lunge out and silence your taughts. I ached to put you in your place…but something held me back. In that moment, something strange overtook me and I did something I never expected to do. I smiled my kindest smile, turned my back, and sweetly said goodbye as I walked away. I didn’t look back. I didn’t hesitate. I wasn’t running away. I just knew this was right.
As I walked away from you, a silent chokehold broke. I no longer needed your approval. I no longer needed to prove I could be happy without you. Finally…I was free.
That day, something clicked. It wouldn’t be until much later that I would realize the significance of walking away. By doing so, I was making the decision to truly trust God with my reputation.

That means no freaking out when someone pours a little mud on my name.